Dear bullies

I wonder if you would still bully if you understood just what you're doing to people. If, somehow, you could be given an insight into our lives ten years later. Not an article, or a story, or a blogpost. But an actual, physical and mental look into how we feel from day to day.

Because we never forget. Because we're never quite rid of it. Because it's always there.

It's not always bad. Not every day, not all the time. You just never know when it's going to strike, or how, or why.

It can be something as tiny, and seemingly insignificant, as slowing down before a zebra-crossing, because you don't want to cause the drivers trouble by having to stop for you.

Or not daring to meet people's eye when you walk down the street, because who would want your attention?

It's dismissing an entire job-listing, because you've already seen how horribly wrong it can go before you've even applied.

It's not sitting next to people you sort of know on the bus, because why would they want anything to do with you?

It's never starting conversations, because why would people want to talk to you?

It's not smiling at people, because what if they don't smile back?

It's not talking to that guy you think is cute, because what if he rejects you?

It's not telling people your true feelings, because your true feelings don't matter.

It's walking through a room, and feeling like everyone in it is judging you.

It's someone walking past you, laughing, and you instantly assuming you're the bud of their joke.

It's not speaking up, because your opinion doesn't matter.

It's not believing a guy when he says he likes you, because why would he?

It's not saying 'hi' to people you haven't seen in a while, because why would they remember you?

It's making every little victory count, because who knows when you're getting the next one?

It's not daring to be yourself, because people won't like you.

It's wanting to stand out, but being afraid of being noticed.

It's not believing you deserve what you want.

It's not trusting new people, because they might hurt you.

It's not really trusting the people you do know, because they might turn on you.

It's instantly being suspicious of everyone, because you never know who will lash out.

It's spending so much time trying to be invisible, that in the end you kind of achieve it.

It's keeping so much bottled up that when you do open your mouth, too much comes out.

It's being insecure for the rest of our lives. And all because we didn't fit your standards.

I'm sorry, but who the hell gives you the right??

[fragment]

It's funny how fast a feeling can come back to you. How you were convinced it had been subdued forever, and then all it takes is one tiny little moment to bring it all back to life. It wasn't gone after all, not dead and buried like you thought (or maybe hoped). It just needed a jolt, a little reminder of how things used to be, and it's right back where it belongs. Even if you don't want it there anymore. Even if you locked it away for a very good, very self-preservatory reason.
Because feelings just don't care. They don't care if they make problems for you.