tirsdag 11. mai 2010

Maybe something

– I want you.

She had wanted to say that for so long, she's just never found the words. She would look at him, think of all the right things to say, but the second she opened her mouth they were gone. And she had wondered about it a lot, if she was reading it right. If telling him how she really felt, what she really wanted, would yield a positive result.

Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe she had mistaken friendship for something more. Maybe he would turn her down too.

Maybe that was why she had waited so long. The crulest crimes are those of the heart, as Jane Austen put it. Not that not loving someone back was a crime, but having such a suspicion confirmed would cut deeply. Sometimes, it was safer to not say. To not speak. To keep ones feelings to one self. Sometimes, it was worth giving up the possibility of reality just to nurture the fantasy. The fantasy, after all, was perfect.

But she couldn't touch him in her dreams. She couldn't run her fingers through his hair. She couldn't wake up next to him in the early morning, and watch him sleep.
She couldn't kiss him.
... well, she could. But not physically. She could only imagine. Only wonder. Until she found the words, she would never really know.

Why the words had been so hard to find, she didn't know. Because now that they had been said, they seemed so utterly simple. What more was there to say? Admittedly, there were a million things she could have said. But they would only complicate things, make it harder to say what she really meant.

I want you.

She braced herself, waiting for what always came.
The rejection.
"I'm sorry, I don't feel that way."
"You're wonderful, but ..."

But he said nothing. His eyes bore into her with a look she couldn't read. Confusion, maybe? What felt like an eternity of silence passed, only broken by the ticking clock on the wall, constantly reminding them that something had to be said.

– You want me?

He broke the silence, finally. She could still feel his eyes, burning a hole in her.

– I know it's silly, she started.
– I know the timing is way off, I know I should have said-

A finger on her lips silenced her. She dared look up for the first time, and meet his gaze.
He was smiling.

– I want you too.

The words hit her like a warm wave, washing over her. At first, she didn't believe she had heard him right. But his smile confirmed it.

– I've wanted you for so long, he breathed
– I've wanted you for so long, too
– Then what's taken us so long?
She shrugged
– I guess we're insanely stupid

He laughed, a short but hearty laugh. Slowly, he ran his hand down her cheek, touched her lips with his thumb.

And then he kissed her.

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